I'll Be dead By New Years
by Morpha
Summary: Ummm..... Yoda and eggnog, Darth Maul and a Wuvluv. Yes its insane. No i'm not insane. quite.


Yes its me.. again. Morpha. Oh wait. I've never wrote a Star wars fic.   
I only write Gundam fics. Well. Until now. I shall get to the point.   
I no own star wars. I love Obi-Wan. And Wuvluvs,interactive Yoda's   
and Furbys have a mind of their own!(I don't own them either) Of all   
the fics I've read I have found little humor in star wars fics. So.   
Here I go. My first insane Star wars fic!   
  
I'll Be Dead By New Years   
By Morpha   
  
It was the most stupid thing the council had ever thought of. No one   
in their right mind would do such a thing. Unless your name was Yoda.   
It was almost Christmas in Coruscant. The Jedi halls were nicley   
decorated,the smell of muja fruit cookies was in the air and a welcome   
banner for the siths had been put up. Yes. You heard me right. A   
welcome banner for the siths. You see it was Yoda's idea of getting   
together with the two siths. Yoda, for some odd and insane reason,   
believed that this would bring peace between the two groups.(a little   
too much eggnog for Yoda if ya ask me) Sadly he was the only one who   
thought that. Well maybe the council did, but they wouldn't admit to   
it. Only the most important Jedi's would have the ummm well Yoda   
called it "pleasure" to celebrate Christmas with the sith. That   
included the council, Obi-Wan,Qui-Gon and.. oh wait. The rest called   
in sick. So that included the council,Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. Yoda had   
ordered them to buy the two siths presents. So everyone coughed up   
their money and bought the Sith'spresents. From the dollar store that   
is. The Siths would be arriving very soon, so much hustling and   
bustling was being done. Course most of the Jedi had left the building.   
Not that they were afraid of the Sith. Just the fact that Yoda had   
gallons of eggnog scared them.  
  
Yoda: Good. Good. Everything now good. Wait we shall for our friends   
we will.  
  
Mace Windu: Yoda. Don't you think that this is well.... insane!?  
  
Yoda: Insane it is not. Teddy bears insane but not this. *takes a   
swig of eggnog*  
  
Windu: Oh no. Were all going to die.  
  
Obi-Wan stood tall beside his master Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan felt very well   
lets just say worried that Yoda might end up having a little TOO much  
eggnog and insist on playing strip poker. Qui-Gon sensed his worries.  
  
Qui-Gon: Do not worry my padawan. Just remember the ways of the Jedi   
and you shall live through this night.  
  
Obi-Wan: Yes. I hope so.  
  
After a moment of silence a star cruiser pulled up to the landing  
platfrom where the jedi waited for the sith. Darth Maul and Darth   
Sidious walked out onto the platfrom and showed no signs of friendship.  
After much silence Yoda lead them into the council room, which had now  
been decorated with teletubbies in elf outfits. Finally Darth Maul  
spoke.  
  
Maul: May I ask you why the hell you have teletubbies everywhere?!  
  
Yoda: Same *hic* size as me they are. Happy are they. Love them you  
will. Friendly they are. *hic*  
  
Sidious: It seems that the once great Yoda has fallen.  
  
Yoda: Eggnog?  
  
Sidious immediatley dived for the eggnog and started to hug the  
teletubbies. Maul looked at his master and than looked at Obi-Wan with  
anger.  
  
Maul: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM!?  
  
Obi-Wan: Nothing at all.  
  
Qui-Gon: Cookies?? *holds up a platter of muja cookies*  
  
Maul: NO! You Jedi probably have something addictive in the cookies!  
Besides. *turns slightly pink* There VERY fattening.  
  
Qui-Gon: Oh. Well then. *puts platter down*  
  
Soon almost all the council had some of Yoda's eggnog. Or was that  
REALLY eggnog? Guess will never know. Except that it had alcohol in it.  
Mace Windu had had also a little TOO much and started to dance on the  
table with a lamp shade on his head. Yaddle was having a piggy back   
ride from Ko Ploon. And the rest were just sitting playing poker.   
Not strip poker. Not yet anyways. I hope not. Course they had mugs   
filled with eggnog so you never know. Obi-Wan and Maul had laid off   
the eggnog.Qui-Gon hadn't tasted it either, but he was getting VERY   
thirsty after eating the muja cookies. All Maul could do was give   
Obi-Wan death glares, while Obi-Wan kept an eye on Qui-Gon. FINALLY.   
It was time to exchange gifts, which the sith had also brought.  
  
Yoda: Open mine you shall Sidious. Like it you will.  
  
Sidious, who now was acting like a child, ripped open the present.   
To find an interactive Yoda with a lightsaber which wasn't real but   
made out of plastic. Sidious's eyes got all big and watery with joy.  
  
Sidious: I'll *sniff* treasure it forever!  
  
The rest of the gifts for Sidious were either die sith scum watchs,   
or paperclips. Though Qui-Gon,who always went out for Christmas, gave  
Sidious a shirt that read coffee is the way of the force, the others  
weren't so generous. After millions of paperclips had been dumped onto  
Maul's lap, Obi-Wan, stepped forward. With a not so jedi look. More   
like an evil grin. Obi-Wan handed Maul the present. After much   
muttering he opened it to find a ......... Wuvluv??? Not only had   
Obi-Wan given him aWuvluv but a Wuvluv with batteries that were inside.  
The Wuvluv came to life.  
  
Wuvluv: My name is Wuvvydovvy! And I love you!!!!!!!!!  
  
Maul:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!ITS POSESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
!!GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
!!  
  
Sidious: Its soo... cute! Now we will give you our presents.  
  
The presents turned out to be.. paperclips and die jedi scum watches.   
(Well ya know what they say...rivals think alike) Except for one   
present that was labled for Qui-Gon. Darth Maul walked over and grabbed  
the present and shoved it into Qui-Gon's hands. After looking at it  
he started to open it. And it was a ...... Furby.  
  
Qui-Gon: COOL! I always wanted a Furby!!! *hugs it as it comes to life*  
  
Furby: Me Hell furby! I haaaate you!  
  
Obi-Wan: A.. hell.. furby??  
  
Maul: Of course a hell furby! They are cheap cuz no one really buys   
them..  
  
Obi-Wan: *muttering* I wonder why.  
  
Maul: And their cool. Well to US sith they are.  
  
Hell furby: Feed me feed me!   
  
Qui-Gon: *Reading the directions* It says to stick my finger in his  
mouth and press down his tongue. *puts finger in furby's mouth* Like  
this?  
  
The furby, being from hell, bit down on Qui-Gon's finger. After   
Qui-Gon started to run around and yell some unjedi like things.The   
furby never let go but made a muffled laugh.  
  
Yoda: *hic* Aw. *hic* Playing already they are. *hic* Likes gift  
Qui-Gon does.   
  
Sidious: *hic* It was all my apprentices work. *hic*  
  
Yoda: Trained him *hic* well you have.  
  
Mace: I have an idea! *hic* Lets play strip poker!  
  
Obi-Wan & Maul: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
While the council, who now are all drunk, are setting up the tabel.  
Qui-Gon is still running around,crying, as the furby bites harder.  
Obi-Wan and Darth Maul are trying to stop them from playing but cannot.  
Maul pushes Mace Windu out of the way.  
  
Mace: You have *hic* pushed me! You SHALL go in the *hic* closet! *ties  
Mauls Wuvluv around him and uses the force to put masking tape on him*  
  
Council: CLOSET! CLOSET! CLOSET!  
  
Maul: NOOOO!!! MASTE.... MMPHFF!   
  
Masking tape is now palced on Maul's mouth as he is thrown into  
the closet and locked. Obi-Wan stands in horror for the first time in  
his life as the council,Yoda, Sidious and now Qui-Gon (with his hell  
furby still clamped on) playing strip poker.  
  
Obi-Wan: MASTER!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?  
  
Yoda: Aww! *hic* Bad language you have used! *hic* Put in closet we  
shall!  
  
The council ties up Obi-Wan and the interactive Yoda as he is thrown  
into the closet. They locked the closet to go start their game. By now   
Darth Maul had taken off the mask and was yelling sithly things.His   
Wuvluv was yelling absurd Wuvluv things and the interactive Yoda was  
now telling Obi-Wan to put him down and that it was dark.  
  
Maul: *turns* This is all your fault!  
  
Obi-Wan: MY FAULT!? YOU were the ones to accept the invitations!  
  
Maul: Thats beacuse we wanted to reak havoc! Not play strip poker!  
  
Interactive Yoda: Question I have.... Why are you here?  
  
Maul: CUZ YOU IDIOTS PUT US IN HERE!  
  
I.Yoda: OH! MEAN WORDS YOU USE! Punish you I shall! Dead by New Years   
you will be.  
  
Maul: The only way I'm going to die is if this Wuvluv keeps talking!  
  
Wuvluv: I WUVVVVVV you! *smooch* Heheh. Kisses!! I gave you kisses!  
*hugs Maul* Hugggsss! I gave you hugggsss!  
  
Maul: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! IT'S KILLING ME SLOWLY!!!!!!  
  
Obi-Wan: Relax! We'll just knock the door down with the force.  
  
I.Yoda: Use force for good never for attack. Besides. Want to go out  
do you and see things. Bad things.  
  
Obi-Wan: Good point. Wait a sec your not supposed to say that.  
  
By now screams and yells could be heard from outside the closet and the  
words no being chanted "Take it off take it off!". Darth Maul was   
now slowly suffocating not just because almost all of their air had   
been used up but the Wuvluv was telling him things that not even a  
child could stand.  
  
Maul: THAT'S IT!! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!!!!!! GARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG!  
  
Obi-Wan: No! Don't...  
  
It was to late. Obi-Wan immediatley turned around to face the wall.  
Darth Maul threw the Wuvluv across the room than looked at the council  
and everyone.  
  
Maul: OH MY.....   
  
Yoda: Welcome to play you are *hic* Just got to underwear we have.  
*hic* See. We all wear boxers! *hic*  
  
Yaddle: And *hic* under garments.  
  
Maul: *eye twitching* This... this .. is worse than staying in the   
closet with a Jedi, a Wuvluv and Interactive Yoda!!  
  
Obi-Wan: *turns around* MASTER!!!!!  
  
Qui-Gon: Oh. Hello my padawan.   
  
Obi-Wan: Your... your wearing.... BARNEY BRIEFS!!!!!  
  
Maul: Master how dare you wear teletubbies! I shall strike you down   
with all my hate and anger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wuvluv: *grabs onto Mauls leg* I WUVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV YOU!!!!  
  
Maul: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
*runs out the door to the star ship carrying Sidious* (course Wuvluv  
and Interactive Yoda follow)  
  
Yoda: Oh well. Go they had to. *hic* Eggnog Obi-Wan??  
  
Obi-Wan: NO! *runs away*  
  
The End  
  
Moral: Don't let Morpha eat sugar than write.  
  
Duo: Hey! How come this wasn't Gundam???  
  
Morpha: *sighs* Cuz its not, okay.  
  



End file.
